Broken Glass Tranquility: Sam's Life

Fucking A...where are the updates

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 01:47:07 GMT

So, Sami finally updates his livejournal. I know I don't keep up with this shit, it's been a trying past few months. Full Sail has me by the balls. It's all I do. But hey, it's cool. Well I'm sitting here at a first month student's appartment and there's nobody home. her name: Kelly. the deal: that's confidential...even for live journal. haha...Anyways I'm in her appt. by myself waiting for her to get home. She let me use her comp to type up my essay for this Apple Campus Representative thing....I figured "hey might as well apply and see if I can get a free apple computer out of this. I could really use one."

SO...it has been a while since i've updated. A lot of friends have tried to get me on myspace. I've gotten too lazy for that shit. Well, a couple of friends of mine and me just started a band. We're pretty fucking bad ass if I do say so myself. We sound evil as fuck, and that's how it's supposed to be. I really hope this works out. I need this...I also need a marshall halfstack. but that's a different story. Well....I've also started a management company called New Noise Entertainment. We're picking up any bands who are serious about their work and paying for studio time. Don't confuse this with a record label bc it's not. Anywayz...I haven't been to many shows lately...well i guess you could consider gasworks a show. But yeah...it's been a boring life. I've kinda sunken into this apathetic state. But such is life...you can't complain. I mean I'm just trying to get the "career goal" completed. Whoever said that being an audio engineer was a glamorous job can go fuck themselves in the ass. It's not. In fact it's just above being a garbage man. Oh well, i'm obsessed with gear...i think i'll be a gear rep...or a gear tech. Who knows. Funny thing is, I've got a few months left, and for all i know i don't have a job lined up for after this at all....SHIT!!!! Oh well...

In more news...
I recorded this girl Kelly last night. My god she has the voice of an angel...and if i do say so myself the engineering on the song wasn't bad(cough cough). I showed it to my teacher...hunter and he loved it. He even put it on the big speakers in the classroom so everybody could hear it. Maybe i am meant to do this shit....hahaha(in an evil sort of manner). Well fucking a. I think i'm gonna go to the pub tonite and get shmammered, there's nothing else to do so fug it. do a lil dance make a lil love...you know. Alright well peace out!!! By the way what the hell does recumbant mean?

All right time for a mutha fuckin update

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 18:02:30 GMT

Well, it's been months since my last update, and a shit ton has happened,
-First, I'm goin to full sail now, passed my first class with a 92.8, go fuckin me. Now i'm in CMI(COmputers, math, and internet) it's an interesting class, i now know more about computers than i've ever known before. I've been workin on converting my comp into a recording studio, so far i've got multiple screens, cakewalk pro sonar 2, and an m-audio digital interface. Hopefully soon that'll be replaced by a 5000 dollar Mac G5 HD3 , with a digidisign mixing console, (thank god for student loans). So i guess i'm getting a little off track, but that's pretty much my life now.
-Second, New friends
I really got to be very close friends with two kids from my past who i never really was close with, Sean Lynch and Micah Keogh. The two kids are like brothers to me, we party all the time and just have a great time. It's been an excellent way to end the summer. Especially the parties at sean's appt. Almost too much debauchery.
-Third, Smoking
No, I haven't quit smoking, god damn i need to...but i haven't. It's almost impossible to at Full Sail. Everybody freakin smokes so it makes it hard as hell...hell i'm even smokin a cig right now.
-Fourth, I moved out
Yes, this happened months ago but i believe it's important to mention, i no longer live with my parents. It's a good thing and a bad thing. Bad thing because i have no freakin money and i have been partyin a little too much. I know though that once i start multimedia audio in a week i won't have much time for partyin bc i will be in class all the freakin time.
-Fifth, and this one really sux.
I have not been to a mother fuckin show in forever. I miss it a lot but i don't have any money and my parents won't fork over the money for shows. Plus i need all the money i can get for my recording rigg. I had a ticket to the faint. But i needed money so bad i had to sit outside the show and sell it. Talk about shitty.
-Sixth, my freakin inspiration went down the mother fuckin toilet.
I haven't written a good accoustic song in forever, and that really sux. I have a great rigg for recording real time, but i just can't write anything that i'm proud of. It really sux. I need some inpiration. Now on the other hand, the metal has been flowing but i've tried three bands, and each one i just can't mesh with so it sux.
-Seventh, Girls
It's been quite and interesting summer, after months of trying to get over previous relationship. I have met some pretty cool girls, i even went out with a couple. But nothing compares to what i had. I mean kelly was hot as all hell, and she was cool, she loved my music and everything, but having everyone telling me that she was a slut, and the fact that she was going off to college didn't help, plus it wasn't much of a relationship, it was more a bunch of bullshit. we're still friends by the way. and then i met this girl melissa recently and we've been talking, but none the less, she still isn't up to par. I mean she's georgeous, she's really cool, but i don't know, i'm not feeling it. Why do i have to be so fuckin fickle when it comes to girls. go figure.

So that's it. All the catching up you could possibly want, and more. But seriously who cares....i'm pretty much just needed to get it off my chest...peace

Renee...

Mon, 19 Jan 2004 18:09:04 GMT

You just came back
and so many expectations were just stabbed
dead
you left me...I loved you
more than you could ever know
and now it feels that i have a knife in my stomach
it just keeps turning
revolutions of my own sorrow
lost and alone...the reoccuring feeling for me
you were my hope...you were everything
i was there for you
whenever you needed me...but now where are you
you've left me
and even though you are closer now than ever before
you are even farther away than Moscow now
and what am i supposed to do...
I know what you want...you want me to clean up and become a godly person
but that's soo hard for me...It's hard enough for me to be quiting smoking
Then again...it's so worth it for you...
now i'm stuck with this strong love that is just beating me down
and i know you feel the same way...
i love you more than you could ever know...
i want to be with you for the rest of my life
it seems like it's going to be more of a challenge for me
i can do this...i can do this
but can i?
as Copeland plays repetitively on my computer...it reminds me of better days
the best night i've ever had was you in my arms at that show...
this could be something incredible Renee...
something utterly incredible...

PARTYIN HARD

Sat, 06 Dec 2003 18:35:42 GMT

Last nite was crazy as hell,
3 parties in one nite. First was Laura's bday party in Marchetti Appts.
Got pretty wasted there and then headed with hannah, rachel, laura, and susan to Coronado to scotty's place. We partied there for a while. Then I went up to see Crazy Mike up at some party in 10f. This may take some explanation. Crazy mike is one of my best friends here. I've been chillin with him and his room mates a lot. He's a sophmore whose studying Aviation manangement. Anyways it was a fun nite even though we didn't make it to dustin's like hannah wanted us too. She wouldn't have known the difference anyways...she was soooo waaaasted. i myself will probably go there once i get my cell out of scotty's appt. LOVE SAMI

THE BOTTLE

Wed, 03 Dec 2003 21:16:16 GMT

Staring through the bottom of a bottle makes the world seem clearer
and so does being with you...
but i'm not with you
so tonite i tip my bottle to tears and fears
and hopes that you will come back someday
This cigaretter burns
just another means to a hopeless end
a symphony of self-destruction
This deep trench between us
just another reason to drink until day

Life seems better through the bottom of a bottle
nobody to stop the pain or comfort the sorrow
Nobody to depress for depression's sake.

THE GREATEST NEWS I'VE EVER HAD

Mon, 24 Nov 2003 18:26:55 GMT

Finally an update for live journal...but this isn't just my average drab lj update. It's the greatest one i've ever been able to write. Why you may ask? Simple...RENEE IS COMING BACK!!!! Finally, Dec 29th. We will finally be together again. This feeling of her coming home...she's coming home. Once again, we can hold eachother. She is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I can't wait to see her again. She is soo perfect. She's so georgeous. I love her. I love her more than i've ever loved before. This is my perfection.

SAMI

I'm BACK

Thu, 23 Oct 2003 22:08:15 GMT

Well for those of you with ljs, this will be a huge suprise. Sami's back. STL fuckin rocks. If only you knew the craziness that has been going on here. I won't even try to explain it all. Tomorrow night my fraternity, Kappa Delta Rho, (Yes i know i'm in a fraternity, sorry) is having a huge kegger!!! YAY!!! It's gonna be a fuckin party!!! I've got a lot of friends up here and slu is awesome. I'm flying without an instructor now which is really exciting. I just joined a band, and get this, the lead singer is a playboy model!!!! Oh yeah. So, that's all for now but keep on rockin.

UPDATE!!!

Wed, 06 Aug 2003 17:45:11 GMT

Well i know it's been a while since i've updated...it's been really busy...I've been enjoying the last couple of weeks i have in orlando, despite my parents unending bitching. I'm ready to get up to STL though. I've met some really cool people up there...I'm READY BABY!!!

REVOLVER

Mon, 28 Jul 2003 02:10:59 GMT

It's changing day by day
a wheel spinning round and round
repetitive, but only after long revolutions
the eternal bend...it never ends
chasing a tail that will never be caught
it's only one way...and the end is forever
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO
still wondering...day by day
still wondering...things to say
still wondering...

WARPED...

Sat, 26 Jul 2003 02:45:38 GMT

Warped tour rocked my fucking world...I even went sober this year. I saw: Vaux, Mad Caddies, The suicide machines, andrew wk, thrice, rancid, brand new, dropkick murpheys, and achooo the ataris and simple plan...i can't begin to tell you how crazy it was...i mean i saw some crazy shit...if u see me around ask me about it bc it was amazing...

WARPED TOUR

Thu, 24 Jul 2003 03:57:38 GMT

Wow it's almost 12 and that means warped tour's today...holy shit it's here again...it's gonna be an entire day of partying and having a rabid good time. Andrew WK and Brand New and Poison the WEll are gonna be there...woohoo...it's time to party lets party....we're gonna have fun and we're gonna get WASTED!!!!

WARPED TOUR TOMORROW

Wed, 23 Jul 2003 20:45:26 GMT

OK sami's excited...the event of the year...every summer i look forward to this. WEll it's finally here with a badass line up...I can't wait...and I'm taken lots of girls...again...woohoo..."We're gonna have fun and we're gonna get wasted" -Andrew WK

SO.....

Wed, 23 Jul 2003 02:54:53 GMT

College is coming faster everymoment...wow i can't believe how close it is...i just wanna jump on it right now...Orlando is a shithole...the only thing i like about it is my friends. PEACE!!!!

NOBODY SAID IT WAS EASY

Tue, 22 Jul 2003 00:57:41 GMT

take me away from reality...realizing it's soo hard
taking the time to make a path for love
taking time to make a path for time
giving a chance for healing...for cleansing
giving a chance for life...
take me away from reality...realizing how hard it can be
this is an anomoly...a suprise...this unexpected object
this idea...never leaving
remains here...give it a chance...give it some time
time is all we need...........
great...its back...back for some more...healing...cleansing
only i'm not the healer...i'm not the cleaner...
so why come to me...all i am is a waste of time...for you...
ask me another question...i don't have the answers
its okay though...i do have time...
its this idea...this idea of love...this idea of caring for another...
besides yourself...nobody said it was easy...
relationships...only one after the other...sprawling out so far that i can't find the pieces...
this puzzle...this puzzle continues to disapppear...it speaks to me...a chorus of voices...begging to become one
this idea...is still with me
begging
begging
for another chance...another chance it will never have
i'm not meant for it...it's not meant for me
take me away from reality...make me clean again
voices....singing in melody...in the fields of grass...swayed by the wind...the sun shines...its rays absorbed by the flowers...reaching up...begging for more. the lake lingers below...desiring for a touch...just one...it's virgin shores want one thing...touch...
the desolate tree on the horizon twists its branches towards me...begging for a moment of attention...and all i can do is lay down and admire the beauty of it all.........
still hearing the voices...the melody...the chorus...the sense of awe...this feeling overwhelmes...for this moment i am content...i have found it...i have found heaven...this is all i want...solitude...to sit and stare at the blue sky...the birds flying over head...it's an amazing sight...
and yet i'm still here...sitting alone...just waiting...waiting...for something...anything

LET IT HAPPEN

Mon, 21 Jul 2003 02:55:44 GMT

So I've come to this point...realizing everything is trivial
my belief's are really starting to show
I think that God is really moving in my life
This whole girl thing is dragging me down...until i find a solid girl
I don't think that I'm going to be able to have a relationship that makes me happy
I found it in Renee...but she's gone again...so i continue my search

God...He really has been working...I think that he wants me sooo bad
I need to truly give my whole life to him...i havent' done so yet
I need to quit smoking...badly
i want to too...but i don't have the strength...I just want to be a better person
Is that so bad?

STOP FUCKIN AROUND

Sun, 20 Jul 2003 21:46:27 GMT

talk to me...then you don't...u wanna talk it over...now you don't...
make up your fucking mind....i'm getting sick of this indecisive bullshit...
STOP FUCKING AROUND!!!

PAST POETRY

Sun, 20 Jul 2003 13:33:48 GMT

I was goin through some of my past poetry and I came across this...

TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY-
It's sad when every new day comes with an apology
Thinking about the way it should be
I think that today I'll give it a chance
without an apology,
I'm sick of the sorries

Life seems to trip us up with so many apologies...trying to avoid conflict.
Well...I'm sick of it...I'm not politically correct...and i won't stand there and let other's stand on my feet...what i've done is my choice...and I need to stand by it...I need to find some strength...

SO THIS IS IT...

Sat, 19 Jul 2003 17:26:28 GMT

Searching for a catharsis in this dark, bloody forest
trees loom overhead like skyscrapers in a big city
casting shadows that seem to come alive
taunting me...beckoning me away from my path
it feels as if every animal in the forest is laughing at me
as i sit here lost and alone...trying to get over my feelings
my head down with my arms over it...this cigarette burns so slowly
the only hope i have is civilization...but its so far away
only one thing to do...curl up and die...give up...
that's what i've done...i surrender...i give up...
no more me and you...never talk again...that's it
and like a murder victim laying on the ground in the fetal position
writhing from the pain of past transgressions...i lay here
searching for hope in a hopeless situation...
lost in a forest of uncertainty and indecision

CUMUNICATION

Fri, 18 Jul 2003 22:24:09 GMT

Lost and alone...a reoccuring theme...

LAST NITE

Thu, 17 Jul 2003 23:20:48 GMT

The kisses randomly placed in a melodic symphony
could only get better by the minute
the rushing hearts...your body pressed firmly against mine
the time seems to slip by faster
the hands keep turning...i just want to smash time
to destroy it until it lay in a bloody heap in front of me
lifeless...on the ground...alone...feeling like me
so this moment will last forever
and frozen in time our bodies will be
together for eternity
those eyes staring into mine...piercing...
you say, "i'm not leaving you...it's a vacation"
but we both know the truth

Her back pressed firmly against the back of my car
my arms around her waist...
We sat there staring into eachother's eyes...
I won't ever forget looking into those eyes...it is branded into my mind
like a tattoo...Another year...I feel hopeless...
The car ride home was spent staring into her eyes
Touch was all we needed...just to be touching one another...
all that's left is a hope...a hope that we will see eachother again
as we did this time...as for now...I can't think about now
The tears well up and I can only think of her
as sad song after sad song plays...all i want is one more minute...
That's all Renee...just one more minute

INFILTRATE, DESTROY, REBUILD

Tue, 15 Jul 2003 00:15:29 GMT

Relationship
destruction
a feeling of despair

Settle Down
a violent night
coming to grips

Repair
Rebuild
salvage what is left

Can it be the same
It can be attempted...possibly achieved
optimism...possibly...
live, love, burn...DIE

So...howz New Jersey

Mon, 14 Jul 2003 05:17:32 GMT

Another page of my life draws to an end
and that's all. No more relationship.
No more me and you
I'm sorry but i doubt it'll be the same.
i doubt we can possibly have as much fun as we did before.
It sux so much. FUCKING SHIT

SECOND BEST

Mon, 14 Jul 2003 01:23:11 GMT

The motel
The distances
Cave into kisses, cold and wet

Familiar exchanges
Like needle pulling thread

The empty movements that once were so inspired
Desperate attempts to fan the flame without the fire

The matress creaks beneath
The symphony of misery and cum
Still, we lie jerking back and forth
And blurring into one

Second best, oh, second best
I can learn to live with this
Plus, I relaly need a rest
After all, what's wrong with second best
What's wrong with second best

REDUNDANCY

Sun, 13 Jul 2003 18:08:59 GMT

It happens again
i find something i love and i am stripped of it immediately
is it impossible for me to be happy
must i sit here while i'm raped of all that i love
i can't and won't do this anymore
it is killing all that i hold dear
why can't we be together...why must we "just be close friends"
you said yourself that you care about me so much
i looked forward to your return...but before you even get back
you drop this on me and i'm wading in shit
why? why does it have to be this way?
why can't we disregard the hurt that is in the future?
why can't we just enjoy the moment and let it last?
i've already been sunk into this pit of depression
and you lay even more on me. This is killing me.
It's torturing me in ways you couldn't possibly understand.
I get it...i lose it...simple as that
Frustration?!!! yes i'm frustrated...yes i'm hurt...why can't we prolong this?
this pain can wait for another day...another month...please come back to me
PLEASE!!!

EXCLUSIVE?

Sun, 13 Jul 2003 13:35:05 GMT

What does that mean...I sit here to figure that out. One of the most confusing things in my life right now is Steph. She is sooo awesome...she's georgeous, she's funny, I can have fun with her. But now she's saying that we aren't really dating or anything. I just can't understand that. When you are making out with someone...what does that mean? We had this conversation last nite. It tore me apart inside. I thought she cared about me more than that. I don't know though. She says she doesn't want to be heart-broken by me when i leave...but wut about me? I care about her so much. She's reaffirmation that there is a girl out there for me. But she's just so confusing on how she stands with everything. I jsut don't know. I just hope thing aren't different after our conversation last night bc that would really break my heart...